Use your Reason to find common ground with others

Over the years, I’ve discovered some commonalities to what makes people lose sight of their Reason. Can you guess what it is? 

Other. People.

Maybe it’s the fear of being judged or embarrassed. Maybe it’s the thought of losing something important, like ego, income, or status. Or perhaps one person’s Reason threatens the others. 

Start with awareness

When you first start thinking about your Reason, you may very well do the initial work on your own. But ultimately, life is about blending your Reason with other people’s Reasons. So, you can’t do the work in a vacuum long-term. 

When Reasons blend, life is easier. It can feel effortless. When Reasons don’t blend, life is just, well, harder. 

This usually happens when we try to impose our Reason onto other people. Maybe you’ve been in a situation where someone did something in the name of, say, kindness. And your response was: “Well, that didn’t feel very kind to me!”

Once you get clear on your Reason, the next step is to become more aware of other people’s experiences. To become more mindful and cooperative. To intentionally align your Reason with theirs. 

Stay open and curious

Because human relationships can be messy – and we all bring our baggage and Reasons into relationships – some people walk away right off the bat when they’re not aligned. I’ve seen this happen when one person is very driven by their Reason and the other person is as well. 

Sometimes, this means there’s no overlap or blending happening. Yours drive you. Mine drives me. That’s the end of it. 

But if you’re connected enough to your Reason and remain open and curious, you may find that just a sliver of overlap is enough to spark a connection. You can be more playful and imaginative about how you live out your Reason with others from this place, too. 

Repeat the process 

Often, as we get invited deeper and deeper into our Reason, we find more and more ways to express it. Maybe we try an approach, and it doesn’t work. No big deal, we will try something different next time. 

This is how to approach misalignment in Reason with others. As you continually learn and grow, you may hit a place in your relationships where it feels off. It’s not flowing like it used to. 

If you consider only what works for you as an individual, you’re not going to grow. And you’re going to miss out on an opportunity to gain even deeper insight into your Reason and your relationship. 

Become even better

I played a game as a kid called Othello. It’s one of those basic games that takes about 10 minutes to learn. Then, after playing the game for a while, you realize you could play it for 50 years and still never master it. There’s always an opportunity to get better. 

Similarly, some of the concepts we explore in COR workshops can, at first blush, seem relatively easy. Yet, you can return to them repeatedly, implementing what you learn at deeper and deeper levels.

Recently I taught a workshop where nearly everyone had a last-minute need to join from a different location (or, in one case, to switch locations halfway through the workshop). When I first started running workshops, that would have rattled me. 

Now, I have greater clarity on my Reason, plus I seek to understand each participant’s Reason. As such, I stayed open and curious – seeing it as an opportunity to become even better. It turns out, it was a fantastic experience and I loved it. 

Ready to try your hand at this? 

If you want to feel more connected to your inner sense of purpose and explore the role of purpose and Reason in your relationships, consider joining the next offering of DRIVEN in April 2022.

Download a fast and easy exercise that can radically deepen your understanding of your Reason.