As men, we carry burdens we rarely name or even recognize. Beneath the surface of our outward lives—our work, our roles, and the expectations we meet daily—exist truths that are often too uncomfortable to confront. Yet, as James Hollis writes in Under Saturn’s Shadow, these hidden dynamics shape us in profound ways. Today, let’s explore the first three of these secrets and begin to peel back the curtain on the forces governing our lives.
Secret 1: Restrictive societal expectations shape men’s lives as much as women’s
The world tells men to be strong, stoic, and successful. We’re expected to lead, provide, and never falter. While these roles may grant a sense of purpose, they can also become prisons, walling off our authentic selves. How many times have we ignored a moment of vulnerability, fearing it would make us appear weak? How often do we avoid speaking our truth because it doesn’t align with the image we believe we must uphold?
This secrecy isn’t freedom; it’s confinement. Recognizing the weight of these expectations is the first step to reclaiming the fullness of our humanity.
Secret 2: Men’s lives are essentially governed by fear.
We don’t often speak of fear—not even to ourselves. But fear is woven into the fabric of many men’s lives. Fear of failure. Fear of being judged. Fear of not being enough. These fears silently drive our actions, shaping our choices and limiting our possibilities. They lead us to overcompensate—working harder, performing louder, or retreating entirely when the stakes feel too high.
What if we began to name these fears instead of letting them control us? Fear thrives in silence, but when brought to light, it starts to lose its grip.
Secret 3: The power of the feminine is immense in the mental landscape of men.
Many men carry a complicated relationship with the feminine. On one hand, we may long for connection, tenderness, and emotional depth. While on the other, we’ve been taught to suppress these qualities within ourselves, labeling them as “soft” or “weak.” Yet Hollis reminds us that the feminine is a powerful force within every man—a source of creativity, intuition, and care. When we reject this part of ourselves, we cut off access to a wellspring of wisdom and wholeness.
Reconnecting with the feminine doesn’t diminish our strength; it enhances it. It allows us to live more fully and love more deeply.
A Call to Reflection
As you read these truths, take a moment to consider: How have these dynamics shaped your own life? Where have restrictive roles, unspoken fears, or disconnection from the feminine limited you? Awareness is the first step in breaking free.
Stay tuned for next week’s article, where we’ll explore the next three secrets men carry—and the path toward healing and integration.
