A few years ago, my coach shared an idea with me that shifted how I see myself and my work. He called it conductivity.
The image is simple: each of us is like a light bulb. A light bulb’s purpose is not to create electricity but to conduct it—to let the current flow through and produce light. When the channel is open, the light bulb shines. When the channel is disconnected, the bulb remains dark, no matter how well-designed it is.
We are the same. Each of us comes into this life with a unique reason for being—a current that is meant to move through us. Our task is not to manufacture this current but to allow it to flow.
When we do, we light up. We feel it. Others see it. It’s unmistakable. Aliveness is the signal.
James Hollis puts it this way: “We are not what happens to us, but we are what wants to come through us.”
When you feel deeply alive—whether it’s in connection, creation, service, or something else—you can trust that something true is moving through you. That moment is worth examining. It’s not random; it’s a clue to your truest self.
But at midlife, that feeling of aliveness can get buried. It’s like the current that once lit us up has been interrupted. We may feel numb or fatigued, like what once lit us up no longer does. Many men assume this is just aging. But more often, it’s a sign that we’ve stopped conducting the current that once animated us.
We need to become electricians in our own lives—to recognize, examine, and understand this disconnect.
When you are feeling dulled, disconnected, and uninspired like this, try asking yourself:
- When do I feel most alive?
- What am I doing when I feel this way?
- What values are flowing through me in those moments?
- Where is the disconnect between that “current” and my daily life?
Parker Palmer speaks to this in Let Your Life Speak: “Before you tell your life what you intend to do with it, listen for what it intends to do with you.”
Tuning into conductivity means listening and clearing the path for what wants to flow.
At midlife, we have the opportunity to recognize this and put it into practice—not by forcing energy, but by allowing it. By listening to what wants to move through us and clearing the path for it. When we stop trying to generate aliveness and instead let it flow, we reconnect with purpose, vitality, and meaning. We are the conduit, not the source. And when we open the channel, the aliveness returns.
