Midlife is a curious chapter. For much of life, we’ve been in a season of building—careers, families, identities. This outward orientation is guided by the ego: the part of us that defines who we are, ensures we belong, and measures our success.
But at midlife, the rules of the game begin to shift. The ego, once so vital, can feel overbearing or outdated. A quieter, more expansive voice—the higher self—starts calling, nudging us toward meaning, connection, and purpose.
How do you tell the difference between the ego and the higher self?
Let me confess upfront: this remains a very real challenge for me. Just last week, I found myself rehearsing the perfect reply to a minor criticism, as though that imaginary victory would fix everything. Recognizing when the ego is running the show is a lifelong practice, but I’ve learned to spot some of its favorite moves.
Here are a few simple cues to help you notice when your ego is talking:
- Your ego loves keeping score. Whether it’s comparing salaries, accomplishments, or even vacations, the ego thrives on rankings. Your higher self doesn’t bother with comparisons; it’s too focused on living meaningfully.
- Your ego insists on being right. When you replay an argument in your head or dream up the perfect comeback, that’s the ego at work. The higher self seeks understanding, not victory.
- Your ego takes things personally. A coworker’s comment, a friend’s delayed reply—the ego turns these moments into dramas. Your higher self lets go, knowing most things aren’t about you.
- Your ego is loud; your higher self is quiet. The ego clamors for attention: “Look at me! Praise me!” The higher self whispers: “Breathe. Listen. Stay open.”
- Your ego reacts; your higher self responds. The ego is quick to defend, protect, and justify. The higher self pauses, reflects, and chooses a response rooted in wisdom, not fear.
As Carl Jung reminds us, the ego isn’t bad—it’s essential. It helped us build the foundation of our lives. But at midlife, we’re invited to loosen our grip on its demands and listen for the quieter wisdom of the higher self.
So How Do You Begin?
Start by noticing. When you catch yourself comparing, defending, or taking things personally, pause. Smile at your ego. Thank it for trying to help. Then ask: “What might my higher self do here?”
I’ll admit: there are days when I catch myself mid-comparison or defense and think, “How am I still falling for this?” But slowly, I’ve learned to recognize the difference. The ego wants to protect, the higher self wants to connect.
As Rumi reminds us, “Be like a tree and let the dead leaves drop.” When we loosen the ego’s hold, we discover something deeper—something more enduring. Midlife is an invitation to make this turn, from living outward to living inward, from striving to being.
The next time you’re caught in the noise of your ego, take a breath. Listen for the quieter voice. It’s always there, waiting for you to hear.
