Over the past two weeks, we’ve explored the hidden truths shaping the lives of men, drawing on James Hollis’s insights in Under Saturn’s Shadow. Together, we’ve uncovered the unconscious forces, wounds, and burdens that so often govern men’s lives in silence. Now, we turn to the eighth and final secret—a truth that ties it all together and points us to the path forward. But first, a quick look back.
The first seven secrets reveal the depth of what men carry:
- Unconscious expectations: The rigid roles of strength, success, and stoicism may offer external validation, but they often come at the cost of authenticity.
- Fear: Beneath the surface, men live with deep-seated fears—of failure, inadequacy, and even their own vulnerability. These fears, left unnamed, shape how men move through the world.
- Anger: Unresolved pain often manifests as a quiet, simmering anger, showing up in restlessness, impatience, or disconnection.
- Parents’ influence: Our relationships with our mothers and fathers, whether close or distant, have left indelible marks on how we see ourselves and others.
These truths illuminate the hidden forces that hold us back—but they also offer us a way forward, if we’re willing to confront them.
Secret #8: Men must activate within what they did not receive from without.
Hollis tells us plainly: “If men are to heal, they must activate within what they did not receive from without.” This is the essence of the eighth secret. While we may long for guidance, validation, or rescue, the truth is this: only we can take responsibility for reclaiming our lives.
This isn’t a burden—it’s an opportunity. The world cannot rewrite the wounds of our past or provide the answers we seek. But within us lies the capacity to heal, to grow, and to live more authentically. Hollis writes, “The crux of the middle passage is the requirement that a man, whatever his age or station, pull out of his reflexive behaviors and attitudes, radically reexamine his life, and risk living out the thunderous imperatives of his soul.” The work of the eighth secret is the work of claiming our freedom—a journey only we can take.
The Courage to Save Ourselves
Men often hesitate to embark on this journey because it feels overwhelming or lonely. But saving ourselves doesn’t mean we must walk alone; it means we take responsibility for our lives. It means seeking out others who encourage growth, stepping into vulnerability, and choosing to live intentionally rather than reflexively.
Saving ourselves begins with simple, deliberate steps: acknowledging the pain, noticing the fear, and asking hard questions about the lives we’ve built. Are they truly ours, or are they borrowed from expectations and roles we’ve unconsciously accepted? The answers may be unsettling, but they are also liberating.
A Call to Action
The eighth secret is both a challenge and an invitation. It asks us to stop waiting for permission, rescue, or the perfect moment to act. The life we long for—full of connection, meaning, and authenticity—must be claimed from within.
What are the “thunderous imperatives” of your soul? What are the truths you’ve avoided but can no longer ignore? No one can answer these questions for you. But the freedom to live a fuller, truer life is yours to claim—one step, one choice, one act of courage at a time.
