“The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, sensitivity and understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness and deep love and concern. Beautiful people do not just happen.”
—Elizabeth Kubler-Ross
Suffering is a constant, universal element of life. While we may wish for comfort, avoiding hardship is not possible—and perhaps it isn’t even desirable. In midlife, I’ve come to see suffering differently, not as a sign that life has gone wrong, but as a force that shapes us in ways we don’t immediately understand.
I know how easy it is to carry resentment or feel like a victim when facing hardship, especially after years of struggle or loss. But as I’ve reflected on my own journey, I’ve seen a new perspective emerge: life happens for us, not to us. This doesn’t dismiss the raw pain of tragedy—some experiences are unimaginably cruel. But in time, we may start to recognize how these challenges have become part of the fabric of our character, shaping us in ways we couldn’t fully grasp at the time.
Pema Chödrön’s words resonate deeply: “Nothing ever goes away until it has taught us what we need to know.” This idea can feel daunting, yet it suggests that suffering has a purpose. In each difficulty, there’s a lesson waiting to be uncovered, often one that holds a hard-won wisdom. Chödrön’s perspective suggests that through suffering, we’re gently—or sometimes abruptly—nudged toward a deeper evolution.
James Hollis captures this transformation beautifully in The Middle Passage, writing, “If we are fortunate to suffer enough, we are stunned into a reluctant consciousness…if we are courageous enough, care enough about our lives, we may, through our suffering, get our lives back.” Hollis’s words speak to me on a personal level. Suffering has a way of shaking us awake, often pulling us from complacency or avoidance into a reluctant but profound awareness. If we can face this suffering and learn from it, we can reclaim our lives with renewed purpose and direction.
Looking back, I can now see how past hardships were shaping me into who I am today. For those of us willing to reflect on these painful moments, a new understanding emerges: these experiences prepared us, building resilience, empathy, and a truer sense of self. The gift of hindsight at midlife reveals suffering not as a punishment or failure but as a profound teacher.
Suffering is inevitable, but we have a choice in how we respond to it. At midlife, reflecting on our struggles opens the door to understanding them not as adversities to resent but as essential parts of our journey. With this lens, suffering becomes a guide, nudging us toward a life lived more authentically and purposefully.
If you’re ready to see your own struggles through a new, empowering perspective or want to connect the dots in a way that brings greater meaning, let’s talk. This work is about reclaiming your life—embracing both its challenges and its purpose. Together, we can uncover the wisdom within your experiences and find the path forward.
